Before you read. Check the comment section for Igali's video
They say when a man’s title fits him like an oversized coat, it’s not just a fashion disaster; it’s a public insult. In Bayelsa, we have a growing collection of leaders who wrap themselves in grand designations that drown their actual substance. It would be funny if it weren’t so expensive for our collective intelligence.
This week, I’m starting a series: "Titles That Wear the Man." Number one on my list? Robert Igali, popularly known by the alias, "The Orator."
Some people attack Robert’s facial features, comparing him to a rodent. I find that petty. Why look at his face when his character tells a much more vivid story?
When I look at Igali Robert, I don’t see a rat; I see a Stoor Hobbit. Specifically, I see Smeagol from Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings. He has caught a glimpse of the "Precious", the Azikel Silver, and for that glimmering ring of proximity to power, he is willing to betray his own kin, his conscience, and the very soil he walks on. He isn't an orator; he’s a creature whispering in the dark, guarding a "precious" that doesn’t even belong to him. When he's alone, he looks at the ring and he whispers "my precioussss".
What is an Orator? Merriam-Webster defines it as someone distinguished for skill and power as a public speaker. Think of the greats: Wole Soyinka, Chinua Achebe, or Ibukun Awosika. Now, try to squeeze Robert Igali into that gallery of giants. It’s like trying to fit a gallon of crude into a thimble.
I’ve had the "accidental" misfortune of hearing Robert on the radio. If I were to score his command of the English language, it wouldn't be zero raised to power zero, because in practical mathematics, anything to the power of zero is 1.
We cannot, in good conscience, give Robert a 1. His eloquence is zero raised to power hundred(0^{100}). It is a towering, exponential vacuum of nothingness.
He speaks with the raw, unrefined grit of a Borikiri fisherman,which would be honorable if he were actually catching fish. Instead, he uses the airwaves of Rhythm 94.7 to catch favor, propagating myths with a vocabulary that struggles to clear the fence of basic grammar.
You see those long, flowery "rejoinders" posted on his page? Don't be fooled. Those aren't his. If you want to find the real Robert Igali, look for his three-line comments.
That’s where the mask slips. The "Orator" is a man who cannot write a grocery list without a ghostwriter. He is only flying today because we live in a tragic era where fools are decorated for the depth of their foolery.
If "Orator" is an oversized coat, what title actually fits?
Satan? No, too grandiose.
Brutus? No, Brutus required a certain nobility to commit his betrayal.
In my humble opinion, Judas Iscariot fits the silhouette perfectly. It’s theologically exquisite, really. He carries the religious title of "Deacon," making him a false member of the clergy serving a false philanthropy. He sold the truth for thirty pieces of Azikel silver.
When you next see Robert Igali, ask yourself: Orator or Judas? Your answer will determine exactly how much you value your own education.
My name is Kariyai Daukoru , and I’ve realized that courtesy is a currency no longer worth spending.
P.S. Next on my list? The "Master" himself. Proof that birds of a feather don't just flock together, they drown together. Stay tuned for the analysis of the empty vessel making the loudest noise.
Find attached a video of the orator and an actual public speaker in the comments.
LEGAL NOTICE
This is a work of satire and personal opinion, protected as Fair Comment on matters of public interest. All literary and mathematical allegories are metaphorical critiques of character, not literal or factual assertions. The author disclaims all liability for subjective interpretations of this rebuttal.
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